I love to write...I've always loved to keep journals, even tho I haven't done so in a long time. And tho I love to write it doesn't necessarily mean I'm a good writer, but I write from my heart and I usually just type exactly how I'd say it if I were speaking. I started this blog because I really want to talk about Cocoa while it is all fresh on my mind and in my memory. I love Cocoa and I miss him more than I can express in words. I know there are many out there who know exactly what I am feeling right now. Cocoa's last day here on earth was yesterday, February 19th, 2011. His first was July 1st, 1996. He is a pedigree dog - a Chocolate Lab. We wanted to get a dog mainly so Jared could have a pet to take care of. He really wanted a dog too. We found out about a breeder, from our friend Dwayne, who's dog had just had a litter of puppies. We went over to see the puppies one day...there were 5 - 4 girls and a boy. The girls were a darker brown than the boy. We were outside in the back yard and the little boy puppy came up to us and laid down, rolling onto his back like he wanted us to play and pet him. Well, we fell in love with him fast and knew he was the one we wanted. He was so sweet and loving and different from his sisters. On a side note- these were pedigree pups and we found out (later) that this little boy puppy had been promised to someone before the pups were born. After they were born whoever had wanted the boy puppy decided they didn't want him anymore because of a tail deformity (it had a funny bend in it), which I guess would make it so he couldn't show in any competitions. So he was up for adoption and lucky for us we happened to find him :) He was a month old when we brought him home. That first night was difficult. He was scared and lonely I imagine being in a new place without his mother and sisters with him. For some reason we thought it was best to keep him down in the basement alone the first night to get him used to being without them (?) I don't really remember but we regretted it after wards. He whimpered and cried all alone in his cage during the night down there. He slept with us after that night, probably up in Jared's room. I remember carrying him down the steps to take him outside to go to the bathroom all the time at first. So that is how Cocoa came to live with us. Some things about him...He was a scaredy cat lol...he was afraid of loud noises, especially thunder and would hide and whimper when we had thunderstorms, and want to be near us. He'd hide under the computer desk or in the little bathroom. Or would want to be with us on the bed. He was afraid of the cats. When he saw a cat in his path he would stop and go around another way to avoid the cat. I think he liked them tho and would never do anything if they came near him. He was afraid of the vet. He loved going there because it was something new and exciting outside his daily hum-drum schedule but then he'd be scared when we got inside the examining room. He'd try to hide behind my legs or in the corner under the bench where I'd sit. It was so cute cause he was so big lol. Cocoa knew the words "Night Night" - at bedtime I'd always tell him it was time to go 'night night'. As he was being put to sleep yesterday I told him 'we're gonna go night night Cocoa'...to prepare him...gee that just made me start to cry :( Now my eyes are all blurred with tears. He also knew the word "Toy" and loved to play tug-o-war with us with his toys. He was so strong...but he'd usually give in and let you have it. I guess to keep the game going. I'd run around with his toy and say "I'm gonna git yer toy Cocoa" and he'd run after me or me after him if he had it in his mouth. He knew the word "Walk" and that was definitely his favorite word of all! We had to be careful to not say it in front of him if we weren't planning to really take him out for a walk. If he heard it he'd perk right up and come to the door hoping to go outside. He did that also if he heard the rattle of his collar and leash. We didn't take him on a lot of walks like he wanted or like we should have and we regret that. When he did go tho he absolutely loved it. He was strong like I said earlier and would pull his way around the neighborhood. We couldn't go fast enough for him! He loved getting out there and exploring the neighborhood. Because of that love he often got out the gate from our back yard. If it ever got left unlatched he found his way out and in to the neighborhood. It caused me great panic on my part every time this happened and I'd hop in the car, roll down the windows and drive slowly around calling his name. I always found him, thank goodness. Many times a neighbor would find him and bring him back or call us to tell us where he was. I was always afraid he'd end up out on Benfield Road (a busy road) and get hit by a car. So...let's see...he also knew the word "Treat" and by golly he loved his treats! He loved to eat. Eating was probably his greatest joy in life. So many times he got into the cookies or anything we'd leave down in the basement. He's gotten into his fair share of Easter baskets and gobbled down whole chocolate bunnies. Which I know dogs are not supposed to have chocolate and we'd panic a little but he never showed any signs of it hurting him. Cocoa always LOVED when people came to the door or came over. He greeted everyone at the door with something in his mouth, whatever he could quickly find and pick up, to try and give them a gift. He'd wag his tail like crazy when he was happy or excited. We joked that it was a like a weapon - it'd wag so fast and hard hitting against whatever or whoever was next to him. He LOVED his back yard and he loved when we would go out there with him. He used to run from one side to the other barking at whatever was passing by on the road out front. There is a permanent path where he ran so many times. He had different barks for different things too...his fierce bark letting passersby know he's there protecting his home, his sharp little 'I'm ready to come in now' bark and his similar 'pay attention to me' bark. It's been bittersweet to me to see the differences time has made in him. How feeble he became, less vocal, less enrgetic, his skin thinning and his strong body aging. Throughout everything he has been remarkable. The vet commented how amazing it is that he lived so long as most Labs don't make it that far in life. At 12 years I was preparing myself and every month to year after that I was always hoping for 'just 1 more summer...if he can just get through this winter...' He's been a pretty healthy dog through out all these years. As he got older he began having some arthritis in his back legs. He started getting a lot of fatty tumors all over his body. He started doing this gagging/coughing thing a few years ago and the vet figured it was a condition where the larynx wasn't working properly. Over time it has gotten worse but really bad these past few weeks or so. He always acted happy tho, no matter what. He never 'complained' or acted in pain or anything. Til this week, you could tell his body was just tired and he was starting to get weaker. He still wagged his tail and still acted like a puppy to the end. He has the sweetest spirit of any animal we've ever known. He's been a wonderful, loyal, faithful friend. we put him on some meds these past few months or so but nothing could really stop the progress of his aging body just wearing down. I wanted so much to keep him alive and here with us. I don't want him to be gone. I don't want to come home and him not be here. When I come down the stairs I expect him to be there right on the couch sleeping or looking up at me waiting for me to come down to feed him and let him outside. I feel guilty. I know it was time but I still feel guilty. I don't know if his last moments were adequate enough...that it was 'ok' for him. We showered him with treats and affection all day yesterday. Jared and Sharon bought him a nice big steak to eat for his last meal. He scarfed it down so fast, barely chewing it at all. We gave him Oreo cookies because he loved them. More than once he found an open bag and devoured it lol. Before the vet came yesterday we gathered around him while he lay on the kitchen floor and Ken said a prayer with/for him. He coughed so much but especially more so when we'd pet him cause he'd get excited. He would cough upon any kind of excitement or physical exertion. So when we prayed with him he coughed some but when the prayer ended he calmed down. Ken then looked right at him and told him that it wasn't going to hurt anymore. He felt that Cocoa understood what he was saying at that moment. The vet said that Labs are notorious for being able to hide their pain and that even if he was in pain he probably wouldn't show it. I'm sure Cocoa was in pain because of the constant coughing...I'm sure it was wearing on his body and weakening him. His spirit was ALWAYS strong tho!! Throughout everything, he remained resilient and happy and true. I like to believe that it was his love for us and our love for him that kept him going for so long. He loved being here...he loved life. He was holding on as best he could but I think he finally knew his body couldn't take much more. I think he was ready to let go, even tho he wanted so much to stay. Gosh...I hate this. I don't want him to not be here. I need to stop right now but if I think of more to write I will do so later. If anyone reads this and wants to add comments about anything they rememeber or feel about Cocoa, please do...
